52 Pick-up

You're saying that you love me
and I know you don't mean it
but I want you to mean it,
I want you to care.
Tom complains about picking up garbage,
and I say all I've done my life is pick up garbage,
but I don't mean paper cups, food,
I mean all of you.
Each one of you invades my mind,
my one night stands,
my big mistakes.
I thought I had hidden you away.
But he saunters through my mind once again,
bringing back a parade of memories.
I remember Dean, the first, saying he loved me,
shattering my heart when he never called.
Doug and Darrel, two for the price of one,
one saying "I love you," the other another liar.
Then he came along, got me at the right moment.
didn't lie, just made me cry,
got me involved, hoped for a new love.
Why'd he do it?
So I say never get involved with a pick-up.
But shouldn't I say no more pick-ups?
Why can't I stop looking for love in a stranger's eyes
and learn to look for it in my own?

Right after high school. I'm not sure who the "he" in this is - I do know that when I was younger, I was extremely insecure and would form instant bonds with any man that would pay attention to me (I think you can figure out what I mean by instant bonds). I've learned a lot and have realized I don't need a man in my life to be happy. But God, I miss kissing.